Mrs Down's Diary

"I'VE a friend whose alpaca is in desperate need of a clip" came the voice down the phone. "I know you were not keen on clipping our llamas (too true, they spit), but do you think you could give this one a try? They've also got a Jacob sheep hiding somewhere beneath a very thick fleece. Could you do that too?"

Life being a bit boring that weekend, no family for a change, John decided to have a go. That is until he saw the alpaca in question. Its coat was so long and so thick, the animal looked as it was cut off at the knees.

The illusion was created by the fact that the main fleece from its body hung down virtually to the ground. With the hot weather forecast, Oscar ( the alpaca's name) would truly benefit from going several times over it with the clippers. Additionally, Oscar's friend, allegedly a sheep but visually an ambulating mound of wool only distinguishable as a sheep because of its eyes and bleat, could also do with a short back and sides.

Their owners, Paul and Andu, knew all this and had tried in vain to get someone to clip them out, but who would come for just two animals? My husband of course. Always up for a challenge. Plus his missus. Always up for a story.

A few minor problems presented themselves. It had been raining and Paul and Andu had not fetched the animals inside.

The alpaca had not been trained to a halter so there was no perceivable way of bringing it quietly to the clipping machine. Alpacas have very sharp hooves as well.

For full feature see West Sussex Gazette August 13